It's because I want to seriously embark on a writing journey. It's been there for quite a while, from around the age of 14. But heck, I was one of those types that abhorred reading. I cringed at the very thought of it, so naturally, I sucked at English. My grammar and punctuation, structure, everything! Was dreadful!
Surely enough though, I got better because I started to read. And with it I slowly built up my vocabulary. Booyah! And I slowly grappled with grammar and punctuation, but frustratingly, I didn't quite succeed. I still have issues with my use of commas when I write. I don't know why. Blergh!! It annoys me. I'm trying to develop a critical eye for it. Hasn't been a great success. =( EPIC FAIL!
Anyway, I've been helping my mum research agents, since she's almost ready to send her book out. It's a rather daunting task. I mean, there's so much information to sift through. I can confidently say I'm my mothers Handler. I do all the nitty-gritty soul searching, finding agents, the do's and don'ts, the hated, How to write a query letter. Pfft, more like, wary letter, from what I've seen. Apparently it's the hardest thing a writer has to do. Condensing their book into a page. Whoever came up with that rule was an idiot, I personally think. I mean, yes, of course it helps the agents, editors and all those wonderful people, cut down on their slush piles and really dig out the next bestseller, but seriously. How do you get the feel for a story when every thing's just composed into a letter? How do you even begin to explain what a beautiful idea you've got going, but hell, it can't be fitted into just a page?! Bahh!!
I seriously wish everyone who is going through this process a heap of luck. I admire you all greatly! My mum's not too far behind ya'll. =P
Anyway, I've digressed, as is my want. It's something I do often, you'll come to find. =P So right now, I feel I'm to young to write for the genre I want. This annoys me. I mean I've been reading Paranormal Romance, since I started reading, and I guess, I've always been fascinated with the thousands of ways people can fall in love. I'm not a hopeless romantic in actuality, but I just really love the idea of exploring uncharted waters, where love's concerned. I think it's great! And with the paranormal aspect, well, the sky becomes the limit as to what you can create. I've always thrived on imagination. I think we all do. Some more than others. But I'm one of those dreamers. Where every waking moment, people constantly have to ask, "Tana? Are you here?" You know, there's this saying by C.S Lewis.
"If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world."
I often times find myself seriously contemplating his words. I think a lot of authors/writers/artists/dreamers etc feel this way. I guess we're not alone in that sense. It's...comforting. Maybe not. =P
Anyway, right now, I need to find the courage to write the things I want to. But I find myself at a loss because I'm too young. And there's not enough "life experience" as people tell me, to embark on such a thing. In a way I think it's a bunch of crap, but at the same time, it's kind of true.
I'm kind of lost, what should I do? I've been writing fanfiction for over five years now, and I find myself wearing out those shoes. It's not for me. I can't do it anymore. I've written/started so many original stories, but somehow I could just never equate them to anything other than a first chapter. And yet I know they could be so much more. My friend and I love writing, and we've been working on a spectacular idea for the past three years, every summer. And now finally, we're branching out into it. We're almost done with our first chapter! I think that, for us, is a great sense of accomplishment. And I'm proud.
But there's something else, a yearning, just for me, for something more, deep, untapped, wild. That just wants to jump out on the blank screen I always find myself looking at. Yet, i'm afraid. I have a few months left of my gap year. I should probably try and accomplish something. And this plaguing idea could be it. BAHH!! I DON'T KNOW!!! FAIL FAIL FAIL!
Okay, shut up, Tana!
Relax.
Breathe.
Get over it.
Wow, okay, I didn't realize how much I've written. Show's how in earnest I actually am. *Major eye roll*
Anyway, best be off.
;)
